so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
