Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
