You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
