we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
