Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
