I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
