Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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