Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
