I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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