gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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