I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
