Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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