Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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