Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
