textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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