her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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