guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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