Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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