Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
