I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
