Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He shit in the fireplace
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
