I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
