Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
