The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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