Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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