how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
