she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
