I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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