I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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