I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
