Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
