It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sober January is a disaster.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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