I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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