My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
