South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Houston, we have a squirter
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize