Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
