She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize