8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
