My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's get the cat blown out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
