I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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