don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
