do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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