i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
