Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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