I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
