we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My pussy is not your playground.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
