he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
