they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize