She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
