i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
