Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
