he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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