He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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