I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
