I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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