Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
