I wish life had little blips of pornography
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you made out with another girl for some wings
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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