ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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