I puked a lego.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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