If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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