2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
