I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
