my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
