dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
