mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
People in love make me want to vomit
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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