those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
