New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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